Guest blog from Nick Evans – Read more of his thought on life HERE
An Easy Tip to Help Change Your Mood.
As a naturally pessimistic recovering alcoholic with a default button set to ‘oh god it’s all going to go wrong’ or as a self centred fear based addict who wakes in fear most days. Turning negative to positive remains a lifelong quest.
It happens to us all. Whether we are addicts or not. It is a basic human condition for some. Of course some people have an in-built happy and positive device. They are mostly optimistic and ‘up’. They are dangerous as they are far too happy for us miserable jealous sods.
I’m kidding of course. Grab hold of people like that and stay close. Surround yourself with as many up, positive, ‘can-do’ people as you can because it is contagious. Of course, if they are too successful and you find yourself falling into comparing and despairing, dip in for a bit of misery with a loser to ground you again. It’s all swings and round-a-bouts.
Anyway, I’m not sure what has happened to me over the past two days but I seem to have begun to shift my negative to positive. My circumstances haven’t changed. I haven’t really received much in the way of good news outside affirmation (usually my staple diet for feeling good) – Much of my life and habits remain the same.
But yesterday, for some reason, I started to pay people random compliments and actually mean them.
Not in the ‘If I pay a compliment I’m going to get something back’ type of manipulative way, or even in that ‘I best pay a compliment because I want to people please’ type of way, or even in ‘a best pay a compliment as they look like they need it’ kind of way, or even socially expected to pay one back “yes darling that really suits you” type compliment even though you know it makes her look like Eric Bristow in drag.
No, mine were genuine and felt good.
Compliment Number 1 – lovely red nails
Newsagents, on the way to the tube, the plump 60 year old Indian woman served me my Diet Coke, Gum and Newspaper (standard fayre for the commute into town) – I noticed her outstanding large red nails perfectly manicured (a weakness of mine) and I immediately complimented her, “fabulous nails my lovely”, she looked shocked then, spread them out in-front of me (made me feel a slight twinge I must admit) and said ‘why thank you’, smiled broadly and looked a little coy. I bid her farewell and left with a spring in my step. A genuine non-motive compliment. Result Nicky boy!
Spurred by this feeling of goodness that overwhelmed me I carried on into the west end.
Compliment Number 2- amazing coat
Starbucks Harley Street. Now, I must admit this was a compliment that had an alterior motive but it was genuine. A gorgeous cherub of a Japanese girl walked in as I was ordering tea. She had the most incredible full length coat on, huge collars and lapels and I thought wow. “Great coat, where did you get it” I asked (I know sounds like a shit chat up line but it was genuinely cool) “Karen Millen” she replied and then complimented me on my style and cowboy boots. Double winner! Turns out she was a concert pianist on her way to a shoot. We had a chat about music and I had never met a pianist in a Karen Millen ace coat and we parted on our merry way. (without a date I hasten to add)
By now I was enjoying this and felt good.
Compliment Number 3 – My Chiropractor looks younger than 2 years ago
Just to show I am not a compliment pick up artist. I saw my Chiropractor. A brash 55 year old Canadian dude with a short man complex and a mullet. I hadn’t seen him for ages, he looked great. “wow man, you look younger, have you dropped weight?” He had lost two stone in the time since I last saw him and smiled when I said that. He still charged me full whack though and I left feeling good.
Compliment Number 4 – your my best pal I love my friend.
On the phone to an old friend. I was suddenly struck by the need to say, “I really like you and I’m pleased you’re my friend” – we hadn’t said anything like that in 20 years (apart from when drunk in the old days but then again everyone’s ‘yer best pal’ in that state) I’m not sure he knew how to take it but it felt good anyway. Men don’t usually talk to each other like that.
So there it is. Pay people compliments. But mean them with no hidden motive or because it’s socially correct to do so. It wont work then. It makes you feel good. I’m not saying everything will change immediately but try it tomorrow. See how it works and let me know. It helps shift negative to positive.
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I love you for reading. Compliment number 5